you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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