It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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