I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
