i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
