just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
