then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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