I want to have your abortion
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
