i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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