Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
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My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
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I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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