that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
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so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
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We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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