Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
