How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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