Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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