Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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