on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
