My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
