dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
