glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
