5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
