Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
