we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
where are you?
Hypothermia
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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