That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
