Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
