Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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