there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
