We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
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I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
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I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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