Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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