i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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