As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
