How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
