Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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