she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
