ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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