His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
