get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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