i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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