he shaved USA in his pubs
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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