Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I am one with the molecules
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
