Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
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So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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