Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
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By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
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Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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