I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
