girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
