Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i dont even know how to be here
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
