my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Do vagina's smell?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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