I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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