get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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