I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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