Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
