i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
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I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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