He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
