I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
