watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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