Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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