There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
