it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
