Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
