"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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