Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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