Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
