I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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