I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
my liver is dry heaving
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
