Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
NoShamevember. You game?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
