he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just want to make out with him forever
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
