she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
