Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
