As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
